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Tools for Living - Family

"To exist every social organization must place some restrictions upon the freedom of its members. To further the common goal, it must limit the rights of the individual. If the restrictions are too severe or the limits too narrow, the freedom of the individual may be curtailed to a point where the sense of individuality is reduced. But the absence of limits can have an equally harmful effect upon the sense of self. A body of water flowing down a mountain is not a river unless it is contained within banks; it is a flood. The lack of structure leads to chaos, not liberty. Without boundaries the self cannot be defined.

These ideas have particular relevance in the upbringing of children. We have seen how an authoritarian family structure can crush the spirit of a child. It would seem psychologically desirable, then, to give the child complete liberty, encourage its self-expression, and support its independence. Unfortunately, the permissive atmosphere doesn't seem to work out either. A family is a small community and depends on the cooperation of each member. But this cooperation cannot be a matter of choice. Each member has an obligation to the family that defines the function of the individual in the community. Without the responsibility (i.e., ability to respond to the needs of the community), the person is like a leaf blown from a tree. We are beginning to see that the child-centered home does not produce individuals who have a strong and sure sense of self. It is a paradox of life that freedom is dependent on boundaries and structure."
— Lowen, Fear of Life (1980)

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